Archive for the ‘Facing Change’ Category

Brain Your Pain. Mind Your Pain.

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

 Philip A. Gonzales

The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.
Lawrence of Arabia, David Lean, Dir. (1962)

Brain Your Pain. Mind Your Pain.

Brain Your Pain. Mind Your Pain.

I woke up this morning with a headache; about a ’4′ on the pain scale. I thought, Ooh, I have a headache. I felt afraid that it would get worse. The headache got worse. Then I stopped thinking about it, and my headache got better.

Pain does not just happen, we have to perceive it. In modern pain management clinics, it is well recognized that our usual thought patterns and emotions affect how much we feel our pain. Biochemistry can affect the perception of pain, for example, the release of adrenalin in an emergency can effectively mask the perception of pain. When the emergency is over and the adrenalin gets resorbed, then the pain returns.

This morning, my brain registered pain from sinus pressure. I brained my pain. When I put my preconception of pain into thought, words, and emotion to my pain, then my pain felt worse; I felt my pain more acutely. In that way, I minded my pain. Minding my pain did not increase the pressure that was causing the pain in my sinuses, but the pain increased. When I let go of my assumptions about the pain, that did not lower the barometric pressure that caused the differential that registed pain in my head, but I did not feel the pain any more. My mind cannot change my circumstances. Neither can my brain. In fact, my brain cannot alter the fact that pain reports are coming in from my nerves. Only my mind can choose the amount and type of attention to pay to my brain when it is receiving pain signals. My mind can modify how I perceive my circumstances.

Okay, so let’s not get all bionic about this. I’m not trying to say that creating your ideal world involves ignoring your pain. Quite the contrary; let’s always start by paying attention to pain. When you brain pain, your first step should be to mind your pain. But how you mind it makes all the difference. Let’s look at how your mind and your brain work together for your survival.

The purpose of pain is to signal your body that something is wrong. Of course, the range of problems that can cause pain is pretty broad. Is it a mosquito bite, or have you just been hit by a bullet? It’s a survival skill to be very quick about sorting out the genuine dangers from the minor invonceniences. Mosquito? Firearm? Sure, it seems simple, but the process is a complex blend of raw nerve signals and biochemistry, in negotiations with your thoughts and emotions. A mosquito bite can infect you with a crippling disease. But most of them don’t. And what about people who get shot without knowing it? Some report later that it felt like a bee sting.

If your central nervous system is relatively healthy, then you brain the pain; it registers in your brain. Your nerves have no judgement about pain; they’re just reporters, faithfully sending the story to your brain. It might be an urgent story – a high-intensity nerves impulse – or a low-level signal for minor pain. Your brain can usually identify the origin of the pain in your body. After that, your pain story gets more complicated at the hands of the editor: your expectations and emotions. The way you experience pain takes shape after your brain has received pain signals.

Mind your pain in a healthy way. Start by paying attention to it. Your attention may be captured easily to identify the source of the pain, judge the intensity of the pain, and try to place the pain in the context of the moment. Ow! A mosquito. Oh, yeah, It’s summer, and I’m in the forest. Quick and easy. But in other circumstances, interpreting your pain may not be so simple. Ow! What was that? It felt like a mosquito, but this is my basement, and it’s winter. Once you create an explanation, then you have a choice to ignore the pain or to take action. Your choice could save you the trouble of worrying about nothing, or it could save your life.

In a life-threatening situation, you will mind your pain very differently. Your attention must assay a torrent of information, some of it insignificant, some crucial to your suvival, and some facts that might contradict others. In the immediate aftermath of the catastrophic earthquake in Haiti, a man found himself trapped in total darkness in the ruins of a building. He was injured, but not pinned down. Using his pain as a springboard for rigorous, analytical thought, he remembered that he had a digital camera. Acting contrary to most assumptions about such a dire situation, he started taking pictures in that pitch-black room. He methodically made a sequence of shots 360° around himself. As each picture showed up on the camera’s display, he was able to identify a way out and crawl to safety. He minded his pain in a way that incited unorthodox thoughts and actions that saved his life.

I disagree with Lawrence of Arabia. The trick is minding that it hurts. Keep your brain and nervous system healthy so you can brain your pain. Keep your mind and emotions healthy so you can mind your pain in the ways that make it work for you. No, Lawrence; the real trick is minding your pain in a healthy way: neither exaggerating minor pain, nor failing to act for survival when the pain signals are urgent.

Reasons Happen for a Thing

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Philip A. Gonzales 

Reasons Happen for a Thing

Reasons Happen for a Thing

For years, I tried to believe that things happen for a reason. I performed some uncomfortable mental contortions in an attempt to fit that idea into my cranium. Didn’t work; I still don’t get it. The term “for a reason” means that there is an answer to the question “Why?” So to complete the statement “Things happen for a reason… ” I had to say “… but nobody will ever know the reason.” For what reason does genocide happen? For what reason did that plane crash? For what reason will an avalanche fill her belly with that little mountain village? I give up. Turns out that our cognition is miraculous in taking us through the pleasures and perils of life. 

Things happen. We sense the things that are happening. That’s cognition. But then comes our metacognition. It’s all over the map. Yes, things do happen. Life is not messy; chocolate is messy. Life is perilous. And we want to know why. When the largest Tsunami in human history hit Alaska, there were three boats in its path. One sank. The other two rode the crest of that 1,700-foot wave and the occupants survived. Our inner beings want to ride the crest of the bad stuff that happens, so we ask “why”. Just the act of searching for a reason gives us a feeling of rising above the struggles; it drives us toward refinement of our mental suvival skills. It’s very useful. There is hardly ever a clear answer, but we try to make survival more of a certainty by looking for reasons. 

Reasons happen for a thing. Reasons and things happen almost simultaneously, but your brain begins to create the reasons within a very small fraction of a second after an occurrence that requires your attention. If you are using your senses to recognize the true nature of the world around you, then attention happens. Attention requires the use of three parts of your brain: the sensory, the emotional, and the action centers. It’s called the Triangular Circuit of Attention. Right alongside all this raw perception and attention, your left hemisphere chimes in as the “spin doctor”, in the words of psychologist Steven Pinker of Harvard University. That’s when the reasons happen, and they play a leading role in your survival. The more dangerous, confusing, or bizarre the occurrence, the faster your brain will kick into action searching for an explanation. New York University’s Joseph LeDoux (LeDoux Lab) has performed research that reveals the brain functions that arise as we cause reasons to happen for a thing. Author Laurence Gonzales (Deep Survival, Everyday Survival), writing in National Geographic Adventure, surveys the work of Pinker and LeDoux. Um, yes… he is my brother. 

I remain open-minded. An explanation of how things can happen for a reason would hold my interest. I believe in God. But I think that the power of God is revealed in the patterns of our universe that, by their very precision, strike us as being largely random. In light of all the science that illustrates how reasons happen, I’m feeling pretty good about this little survival mechanism that’s been given to us. We live in a world of change, but we try to establish comfortable patterns. It’s in our nature to try to make the rough places plain. Peace is not inherent in nature, but we strive to create peace in our minds. Still, there is a looming question: Can I create peace in a healthy mind that recognizes all of the realities that my senses report? 

As your “spin doctor” comes up with reasons, allow it to lead you toward a deeper understanding of your own responses to what happens, without judgement. Steven Pinker also calls the left side of the brain a “baloney generator”. Well, it’s up to you to determine whether your left hemisphere is going to generate baloney, or to provide you with an incisive frame of thought as you happen to your own life.

Choices

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

Monica Gomez

Monica Chooses Her Son

Monica Chooses Her Son

I once heard Ingrid Bergman say,

“If I had my life to live over again and I had the memory of what I had passed, then I would avoid certain mistakes. But if I didn’t have the memory I would do exactly the same because I’m happy with my life and I see no reason why I shouldn’t live it over again.”

I guess not many people can say that. What’s the secret of being happy with our lives? I think it lies in choosing; in being aware of what choices we make. Many times, when facing a decision, we let ourselves be influenced by outside voices: The must’s and should’s – what is socially correct – what our parents or partners or children are expecting from us. We don’t realize that we’re leaving ourselves behind. We’re not being honest with ourselves. It’s as if we don’t trust our inner knowledge.

How many times have you acted upon a feeling that came from your gut? Unfortunately, we’re not taught to look inside. On the contrary, we are encouraged to focus outside, on other people’s thoughts and considerations. And that’s often how we try to make our choices: based on opinions, likes, and dislikes that do not belong to us. In fact, we might barely know ourselves, so how can we see what we really want? Then we feel disappointed, injured, lost and of course we blame everybody else. We forget that the choice was made by ourselves. Nobody is pointing a gun at us. We have free choice. Maybe you’re thinking that in some cases you are not free to choose. Let me give you an example from my own life experience.

My baby who has Down Syndrome was 4 months old. I had a lot of family problems, and I was really feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for the baby on my own. I missed my job, my friends, my freedom. I felt like a victim. One day, a friend of mine told me: “Well, it’s only a matter of choosing.” I defended myself. “No”, I said. “I have a disabled kid and I can’t choose. I can’t send him back, right?”. He retorted, “You’re right. All I’m saying is that perhaps you can choose to put him in an Institution and work hard in order to pay for all his needs.” I was speechless. He was right! I had a choice; nobody was forcing me to do anything. I was obviously choosing to be close to my baby, but I became aware that I was not a victim. I was choosing.

It is my experience that if I choose carefully and consciously, I never regret what I have done. Precisely because I chose it, I thought about it, I dealt with it, and I chose what I considered was the best. It’s true that maybe later I found out that I had made a mistake. But that’s fine. It was just that: I made a mistake because I didn’t know. No guilt, no blame, no resentment. Just human nature!

If we can acknowledge the choices we make, we can get closer to Bergman’s statement. Choose consciously, from your heart, and be responsible for that. It’ll help you build self-confidence and peace of mind.

To Laugh is to Forget

Sunday, December 13th, 2009
To Laugh is to Forget

To Laugh is to Forget

Find that laugh. Find the laugh that makes you lose control. Find that laugh, and you’ll find a little more healing. It’s the kind of healing that we all need. It makes us forget our troubles. Even the most serious troubles.

Even in the throes of war, people need to laugh; and forget.

When you laugh – really laugh – you send a flood of signals to the parts of your brain that are in charge of higher levels of thought. At the same time, laughter suppresses the parts of your brain that are responsible for those “fight or flight” sensations: worry and panic. Laughter kidnaps you from your problems. And, as an extra gift, laughter boosts your immune system and strengthens your central nervous system against shock.

So find that laugh. If you can’t find laughter by yourself, then find the people who will bring it to you and make you laugh. You will forget and heal in the richness of laughing, forgetting, healing companionship.

- Duh De Ching

The Cycle of Change

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

Philip A. Gonzales

“I expected…”  •  “I got…”  •  “I changed…”

In Mind, Body, and Spirit, we approach the world with expectations that are formed by our experiences. But we often get circumstances that are different from our expectations.  That’s a good thing. Breaking expectations reveals opportunities to create internal change that nurtures our progress and growth.
In the face of broken expectations, the survivor picks up the pieces and constructs inner changes. More importantly, the survivor creates a new set of expectations that are in harmony with a constantly changing world. The Cycle of Change can be used as fuel for growth; in Mind, in Body, and in Spirit.

Let’s look at a specific example of how the Cycle of Change can work.   In the early stages of dealing with my son’s numerous medical crises, here is the cycle that I experienced as we waded into the American Medical-industrial complex to find help…

Cycle of Change

Cycle of Change

Mind

Here’s what I expected • •  clarity, full information, time to think

Here’s what I got • •  hidden information, selected information, rushing

Here’s how I changed • •  learn tenaciously, question persistently, doubt, insist

Body

Here’s what I expected • •  stamina, strength, resilience

Here’s what I got • •  fatigue, limited power, discomfort

Here’s how I changed • •  eat right, train wisely, harden

Spirit

Here’s what I expected • •  humanity, godliness, spiritual integration

Here’s what I got • •  cold business, godlessness, spiritual separation

Here’s how I changed • • find allies, bring God along, recognize spirit in everything

• •• •• •• •• •• •• •

When your expectations are not met by reality, look at what you can do to change your mind, your body, and your spirit. Let your internal changes foster a new set of expectations that can help you move with the next Cycle of Change.

The Steps to Your Miracle

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Philip A. Gonzales

Path to Your Miracle

Steps to Your Miracle

“Survive and Thrive”

Miracles happen, starting with the miracle of life itself.
But we call for miracles when things are going wrong; not when everything is running smoothly.
What are the steps to reach your miracle?

Step One: “Sudden Loss”
Shock, Despair, Anger – even shame…
Your life has just changed suddenly… but it’s not the change you wanted. You’ve lost your job. A family crisis has occurred. You’re in the midst of a serious personal loss.

Crisis will alter your world. You don’t understand it. Everything seems different now. You follow the lead of the support communities, but you’ve been launched into new territory; you find yourself working toward unfamiliar goals. There’s no sense of certainty about your future.

“What am I supposed to do now!? I need a miracle!”

Step Two: “Temporary Relief”
Desperation, Isolation, Uncertainty
Quick action is necessary. There is a pressing need to get help with what has happened to you and your family. Some support services come to you right away: unemployment benefits, job resources, public financial support, or urgent medical care in the case of a medical crisis. It suddenly seems that there may be people out there who care about you and your family.

You move through the complex systems and requirements that may mean recovery from your situation. Strangers and unfamiliar settings occupy your attention. At times, you feel like the answers to your questions will never be clear.

“This sure doesn’t feel like a miracle, but maybe there’s some hope…”

Step Three: “Informed Outreach”
Hope, Support, Vision
As your new routines become more established, you start to see some progress – even slow progress. You begin reaching out to the broader community of people who might help you.  You begin to see that there is a community of services that may be able to help.
Remember that progress toward your goal –  and your understanding of your new world – will be inconsistent; an up-and-down process. There are times when you feel hopeful; the puzzle pieces fit together.  But then, there are other times when the vision seems to fade, and the road ahead seems to be a greater distance than what you’ve already traveled.

“Forget miracles! I’d better find out more about what I can do myself.”

Step Four: “Negotiated Resolution”
Action, Clarity, Refinement, Tradition
Through the daily struggle of living with loss, there comes a time when successful outreach, hard work, and support lead to a sense of renewal; a new routine.  Each successful step confirms that your new way of life is manageable – even rewarding.

You now understand enough about your new world that you are able to take the lead at times. You are evolving to become the Director of your own process.  The community that has formed around you to provide support will now listen to you. Others want to know what you have been through. You and your family are now “experts” in how to cope with some serious life experiences.

“I’m in there! I did it! Things are really turning around now!”

Step Five: “Mature Leadership”
Empathy, Generosity, Ingenuity, Recognition
You’ve made it through. Now you see the world in a different way; your experiences have changed your viewpoints. You see others who are in the “Sudden Loss” stage or the “Temporary Relief” stage of this process.  You understand immediately what they are going though.  Your instinct is to engage further in the community. Now that you have reached out for help, you want to reach out and help.
You’ve been transformed from Victim to Rescuer.
It was hard work, but you attended your own miracle. Now you can look forward to the next miracle in your life, and attend the miracles of other people around you.

“It is a miracle… I’m transformed. But I had to attend my miracle to make it happen.”

Your Comfort Zone in Ordinary and Extraordinary Times

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

Philip A. Gonzales

Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone

Comfort is very important, and seeking comfort is a healthy impulse. In fact, the feeling of being safe and secure is the second most crucial layer in the Pyramid of Needs – a diagram of what we need to survive and thrive – that was devised by the famous psychologist, Abraham Maslow.

The idea of a “comfort zone” is familiar to most of us. But if there is a great change in your life – a medical crisis, a blow to your finances, the collapse of a personal relationship – your comfort zone can get in the way of your ability to survive, grow, and thrive. So it is important to increase your understanding of your own personal comfort zone.
What are the routines and familiar feelings that nurture and affirm you during ordinary times?
How do you respond when you are forced to leave your comfort zone?

In times of great change, we all have the instinct to grasp for something familiar; something that could provide comfort and security. There have been many times when a crisis in my son’s medical condition has placed me at the Emergency Department instead of in a movie theater, or in a hospital instead of on the ski slopes. Of course I would rather have been in my comfort zone than wrestling with stressful situations in which the quality of my actions was critical to the medical outcome.

Over the years, the constant demands of caring for my son, along with repeated medical crises, have narrowed down my comfort zone almost out of existence. But what has risen up in its place is a sense of vitality and depth of awareness that was hard for me to imagine in my previous existence. Escaping your comfort zone does not mean that you will have constant discomfort. Don’t be afraid. Here’s how to start controlling your comfort zone, making the most of it, but keeping it from controlling you.

Start by noticing how you feel when something unexpectedly takes you out of your comfort zone. Are you likely to be irritated? Curious? Angry? Depressed? Well, the first step to taking control is to set up your own interruptions. Create ways that you can leave your comfort zone and accomplish something that makes you active, not passive. But be sure to leave your comfort zone for new and interesting activities. It can be something as simple as setting a kitchen timer that tells you to get up from the TV and write a letter to a friend. Or it can be an entirely new adventure, like turning your vacation into a hiking tour of the Scottish coast.

No matter how you decide to leave your comfort zone, it will be a decision that will strengthen you for the more difficult times. You will become more aware; more alive by taking charge of your own comfort zone.