Duh De Ching
The Ultimate Bio-fuel Vehicle
Designed and manufactured by Galactic Optimization Devices, Inc. (GOD)
What a deal! Eco-friendly, bio-fueled, customized comfort, electric powered, easy to park, no harmful emissions, two fully-adjustable cup holders, and it’s absolutely rust-proof. And what a pleasure to drive!
It’s the 2010 Human Body® by Galactic Optimization Devices, Inc. (GOD). The 2010 Human Body brings you naturally supple, washable upholstery. Amazing, self-regenerating parts. Operates efficiently in all seasons, with automatic temperature and humidity controls.
Did we mention power? The 2010 Human Body has the stamina to get the job done, with tens of trillions (that’s trillions) of electric generators, each producing a reliable flow of electrical current from ordinary household substances. Every cell membrane carries on chemical reactions that kick electrons out of their orbits and send them on down the line to get you where you want to go. What about those batteries? The 2010 Human Body stores chemical energy more efficiently than any man-made battery or device. Starts in cold or hot weather.
The 2010 Human Body is time-tested by GOD. In response to almost four million years of field testing and evaluation, GOD offers you a Human Body for 2010 that features all the latest improvements in functionality, efficiency, and stylish pleasure. It’s sexy! It’s fast! It’s available now!
Let’s look at the ground-breaking, on-board computer. Through thousands of generations, GOD’s careful research and development have brought you the world’s most efficient and powerful computer: The Human Brain™. While monitoring and regulating every on-board system, The Human Brain has plenty of computing power to guide you on your journey – in Manual Mode or Cruise Control – at any speed, along virtually any path that you choose. And the first 18 years of upgrades are provided at no extra charge. Further, optional upgrades and specially designed additives can boost your Human Brain to its optimal performance!
The 2010 Human Body is also fully compatible with other common transportation devices: bicycles, in-line roller skates, skis or snowboards, aircraft, other human bodies (in limitless, creative combinations), and the automobile (not recommended, due to serious health risks).
The 2010 Human Body, by GOD… It’s Yours – For Life!
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Disclaimers: The Human Body has no warranty. You cannot return The Human Body for a refund. Only one Human Body per person – For Life. Owner is responsible for maintenance and safety. Use optimization substances with caution. There are substances that will not work as fuel for The Human Body, and may cause permanent damage to The Human Body. Death and Taxes not included. Other restrictions and limitations apply. For further information, contact the Support Department at GOD by email, prayer, or drop by and visit when your journey is over.